Dear Abby: My husband has a friend with whom she grew up. They have exchanged “happy birthday” text messages for many years. However, they have recently begun to send text messages more frequently. An example: one night I was mixing a drink and sent a text message about whether to use Pepsi or Coca -Cola.
On his birthday, I observed his text message and I saw that he had two heart emojis on both sides of his message. This bothered me a lot, and I told him that his flirting through text messages should stop. He says I’m not reasonable and is not doing anything wrong. This has caused a crack among us.
Abby, amn’t I reasonable? I saw a therapist who said that my husband has an emotional relationship with this woman and had every right to be annoying. The therapist also said that he should stop because I am his wife and sees how much this bothers me. My husband’s answer? “Well, you told the therapist your side of the story.” We have been married 18 years and together for 24. He is a good partner and I love him. What is your advice? – Suspicious in Iowa
Dear suspicious: Her husband had a point where she said that her therapist has only heard one side of the story. You have been married to a “good couple” for 18 years and together for 24. If your husband has not shown signs of deviating before, it is unlikely to do more than communicate with an old friend. The hearts included in a text message may seem effusive, but they are not necessarily statements of romantic love. Some joint sessions with a marriage and family therapist impartial can help calm their fears. I recommend it without a doubt.
Dear Abby: I am in a warm and loving relationship. We have been together for 20 years. We both married before with horrible people. We both said at the beginning that we did not want to get married again. However, as we age and my health is not so good, I would like to marry him.
I have suggested a couple of times that I would like a Christmas ring or my birthday. Nothing has happened. How can I bring this to him? Also, if he is against marriage, how do I talk to him about notarial power and things? – Eye towards the future in Mississippi
Dear Eye: A ring must be the slightest of your concerns. You are delayed by a serious conversation with your partner. If I had a medical emergency, would I want to make medical decisions about your attention? The same is true for financial decisions. Do you have a will? You?
Both should talk about this with a lawyer who can guide him. You must also have medical care directives and share with your doctor. If, after 20 years with you, this man is still a marriage phobic, there are ways in which they can protect that they do not imply a trip to the altar. Start exploring them now.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by his mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.dearabby.com or Po Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
