Dear Abby: A close friend, whom I have been urging for years to save for a rainy day, now faces a very real storm. She was diagnosed with breast cancer and is under treatment. Knowing her financial situation, living with a payment check despite the well -paid jobs of her husband, I felt forced to help establishing a gofundme.
I have been managing updates on your trip, but the truth is that it has always been impulsive with money: spending bonus checks on gambling, cruises, elegant restaurants and vacations instead of building a safety network. Now, with this diagnosis, their past spending habits return to pursue it. Many friends and family, knowing their story, are reluctant to donate.
It is heartbreaking to see their fight, but despite his illness, he still gives himself to these expensive habits despite needing to save every penny. I have tried to talk to her, but she is in a fragile state physically and emotionally. I feel in conflict. On the one hand, I want to support it in this difficult time; On the other hand, I cannot tolerate your continuous expense.
Now I plan to distance myself from the Gofundme, because it feels dishonest begging donations for someone who will not prioritize their own financial recovery. What do you think, Abby? How to balance my friendship with my moral compass? – Sympathizing in the south
Estimated sympathizer: I think you should separate from the Gofundme project you started. As a good friend, you can continue supporting this woman emotionally, but you are not obliged to promote to get money. If a recipient uses donated funds for a purpose other than what is intended, fraud could be considered.
Dear Abby: Our son, “Caleb” and his fiancee, “Lucy”, will marry next year. He is 26 years old and she has 24. Our last name is unusual and sounds like a dirty word when it is pronounced badly, which is often. After “a lot of thought,” Caleb decided to legally take Lucy’s last name after her wedding. (She and her family are on board.) He was not asking for her father’s or my permission, but informing us of her plans.
Caleb is our only child. We also have a daughter. I support my son’s decision, but his father is not. They no longer speak. My husband is also upset by future grandchildren who have a different surname. Abby, do you know of any man who has taken his wives surnames? – You want peace in the family
Dear wants peace: You may want peace, but it does not depend on you to solve this dilemma. Changing the name of one for the reason why his son declared can be unusual, but it is not unheard of. Some couples decide to combine their names, as did a former mayor of Los Angeles. While her husband can be disappointed by the path her child has chosen, the decision is not yours.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by his mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.dearabby.com or Po Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
